Article No. 1
25/May/2019
Recently,
The New York Times (18/05/2019) published an article on research conducted by a
professor of sociology at the University of Virginia, a professor of marriage
and family studies at Brigham Young University, and an adjunct lecturer in the
sociology department at Georgetown University, found that conservative and
religious wives and families have high-quality marital life and strongly
satisfying sexual relationship than liberal and secular counterparts in the
United States of America. It is groundbreaking and shocking to many of
liberal-secular-atheist-leftist. But it is a fact revealed study, which shows
the importance of family values than utopian cum egalitarian ideologies. Family
morals and values should be preserved for a good and healthy society. If you
try to implement a family with an equal husband and wife, it will never be
going to materialize. Because man and women are never the same. It is a fact,
science, biology, psychology, common-sense, etc.
Family
dysfunction is a major threat to upcoming societies all over the world.
Celebrity divorces have indirect encouragement to people to get divorced. Last
week, one more celebrity got a divorce in Kerala and it’s been supported and
celebrated by many influential and common people. This trend shows that
changing society’s perspective on family, marriage, and divorce. It is very
essential to uphold family values and morals to build happy people and a good
society. Every individual must have three inevitable approaches in life. They
are, should have proper priority in life, accept hierarchal order in the family
and enjoyable interest for bearing as well as rearing their children.
Career over family
Priority in
life is often violated in the post-modern era. Women can do any job in this
world especially in the present era of scientific advancement and technological
development. It is a separate issue about their outcomes compared to their
counterparts. But for a woman getting pregnant and having a child is the most
important and indispensable not only to women’s life but also to society. So it
is very relevant that girls or women should aspire more for their family life
than a career. It truly makes their life more happy and satisfied. There are
many pieces of research found that women having a regular-fulltime job are less
happy and satisfied with women having no regular-fulltime job. There are many
women leaving their STEM (science, technology, engineering, and math) careers
in recent years.
As a fully
functioning family, there are many this to be done and make it in proper order
in a family and home. It is biologically and psychologically assigned to women.
Liberal-leftist ideology misguided women across the world since the 1950s. It
cheated women to get empowered over men, it will solve all problems and
sufferings. Recent researches show that it is not true. Men should lead the
family and be the role of a bread-winner. It is assigned biologically and
psychologically. Brain, hormones, enzymes, chromosomes, genes, behaviour,
prosocial attitude, etc. are different in men and women. Whenever people forget
their innate characteristics and go by ideologically driven paths, it will
finally reach at a point of life with complete lost. They will never have a
happy, good and satisfying life. Because they passed most of the stages in
life.
Hierarchical order in the family
Family is an
institution and fundamental unit of society. In a family, it is not good of
being husband and wife having equal positions and rights. Family is the
foundation of all living entities in this world. In sociology, a family is
considered as an institution. The stability of an institution depends on the
collective responsibility of a dominant leader as well as hierarchical order.
So in a family, for stability; one should have dominance in family, i.e.
collective responsibility of a dominant leader. Firm equality of husband and
wife never going to materialize the stability. Even a democratic cabinet also
having a Prime/Chief Minister.
Equality in
a family is the most major reason for the increasing number of dissolution of
marriages. Here I would like to quote APJ Abdul Kalam's words: "Where
there is righteousness in the heart, there is beauty in the character. When
there is beauty in the character, there is harmony in the home. When there is
harmony in the home, there is order in the nation. When there is order in the
nation, there is peace in the world." So I firmly believe that family must
be stable for the order in the nation and world peace.
In child
development, discipline and obedience among children are very higher in
families having hierarchical order. Child rearing is the most essential outcome
of a family. Because it makes a full man and woman for a society. Therefore
discipline among children will not develop in a dysfunctional family having
role conflict and role confusion among husband and wife due to lack of their
hierarchical order.
Childbearing & rearing is a divine assignment
In this
post-modern time couples, especially women are not willing to get pregnant
among having higher socioeconomic status. Also, there is an increasing trend in
infertility. Both results in Kerala, TFR (Total Fertility Rate) is 1.7. It’s
too dangerous and fatal. According to the United Nation’s population study, at
least TFR 2.1 is mandatory to replace the population and to sustain that
society. I think if it continues in Kerala, in AD 2040, it will be a place of
full of old age people, full of Bengali (North Indian) workers, empty kinder
gardens, school, and colleges, etc.
I strongly
recommend that every couple should have at least three kids in any financial
background. If couples having a strong financial background, the number of kids
must be up to five. According to research conducted by Australia’s Edith Cowan
University, parents with the most life satisfaction (which means those who are
the happiest) are those that have four or more children. Dr. Bronwyn Harman, a
lecturer at the school of psychology and social science at the university,
spent the last five years interviewing a range of different families.
When a
husband and wife become father and mother, then their individual personal
priorities must be reduced to less important in front needs of their family and
kids. It’s very common in families formed in Kerala till AD 2010. Now, it’s
been overturned or started to overturn.
Let the family be heaven on earth
It’s obvious
that there is no correlation between education and distinguishability in life
among people in cross-culturally. It’s evident that there is a positive
correlation between increasing socio-economic status with increasing marriage
divorce rates. In Indian states, Uttar Pradesh, Bihar, Haryana, and Rajasthan
which are known to be low socioeconomic status, have much lower divorce and
separation rates. Thus, the education system has issues to make a person with
values. Divorce Matrimonial websites are increasing nowadays. Statistical data
on dysfunctional and separated without divorce are not available in India. It
will multiply this analysis.
However, a
family based on values has many things to cheer. Family is the picture of a
mother cooking for someone who loves, it’s the laugh of a baby, the strength of
a father. Family is the space of loving hearts, light from happy eyes,
kindness, loyalty, love one another. Home is the first school I ever attended.
I didn’t go to public school to learn how to pray, how to behave to others, how
to keep integrity, how to understand the world, how to distinguish right &
wrong, what is good in the sight of God and what is not acceptable in the sight
of God and so on. All these I learn from my parents. Family is the place we go
to when hungry, hurt, sick, rejected by the world, feel loneliness. The family
will open the doors of heaven. They will anoint our wound with oil with
gladness and arms around us. As John Hagee said.
By,
Nithin A F
Doing Post Graduation in Psychology
Thiruvanathapuram, Kerala.
Email : nithinaf@gmail.com
25/May/2019
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