Data indicate that fear of marriage among girls and boys not being able to get girls for marriage is increasing among us in recent times. Reluctance to perform the responsibilities and duties of family life (Gamophobia), lack of interest in pregnancy (Tocophobia) and reluctance to raise children (Pedophobia) lead girls to the fear of marriage. Most of them don't say no to marriage, instead they postpone it. It goes on like that. The personal and social consequences due to these are enormous. So it is very important to study this recent trend in marriage proposals based on the data.
The information mentioned here has been collected from prominent matrimonial institutions and websites of Kerala and by interviewing many people working in the matrimonial field over the years. All of them assert that such a change will be seen after 2018. It was a gradual process from 2015. Since this trend started very recently, we will have to wait at least ten years to see its after effects. Since this is a very serious situation, we can save our young women and our society if we take measures very early. Above given tables and information of number of available profiles registered in three matrimonial institutions.
These figures collected from various sources indicate that thirty-one to ninety-eight percent of girls in various categories do not come forward with interest in marriage. And because of this trend boys are not getting girls. This affects not only boys but also girls, their families and ultimately society.
It is not because of the increase in love marriages, the increase in living together, or other reasons such as horoscope problems that the profile number of girls is decreasing. Because if the marriage of girls was taking place in any way, it would also include boys, so that the number of boys would be balanced. It is a fact that marriages do not take place as they used to, girls are scared away and boys do not get girls because of this.
Those who have been working in the matrimonial field for years say; In the past, if five bride seeing procedure occurred, one or two marriages would take place, but now even if ten bride seeing procedure occurred, one marriage may or may not take place. In the past, the marriages that were initiated by the guardians had more stability. But now a lot of divorces are taking place saying that they cannot get along without any major reasons. Girls spend years without getting married for trivial and impractical reasons. The owner of a matrimonial firm said that boys are open to compromises of various kinds; But the girls are not ready at all. In the beginning, when good proposals come, there is a huge demand from the girl’s side, years go by without getting them, and then they either marry what they get or move on without marriage. People who have been working in the matrimony industry for years, matrimonial institution owners and website operators all say similar things. This difference started to be seen around 2018. Before 2015, many marriages were going on well.
Reasons
1. Teenagers and single young women are indoctrinated marriage and family life as a major disaster in life by various sources from many quarters of society. The news, movies and social media that reach young people are all sending the wrong message by generalizing the rare cases of murder and suicide due to family problems. Because of these, most of the girls decide to become financially independent and then get married.
2. The number of highly educated boys is very low and having government jobs are less than two percent.
3. On checking the profiles registered in various matrimonial institutions of MBBS graduates, the number of MBBS boys can be seen to be half of the number of MBBS girls. That means, only fifty percentage of MBBS girls can get MBBS boys. It is a reality that fifty percentage of MBBS girls will have to marry non-MBBS boys. The fact is that there is no point in delaying marriage without accepting that reality.
4. On the part of girls, when they start looking for marriage, they tell others about the big demand/expectations and because they reject the first good proposals, it becomes a pride problem in front of others that they cannot do it if there are no better proposals. This also results in marriages not taking place and delayed.
5. In the past, parents and close relatives took the initiative to arrange marriages. Most of them had stronger marital ties. Since it was a collective decision, it was possible to take a logical decision. Making the decision about marriage alone is more likely to be an emotional one. But in this modern era, many parents are afraid and unable to influence their children.
6. The influence of movies, serials, advertisements etc. which portray marriage as a tragedy, has a wrong influence on girls. Two movies released one in last year and one in two years ago show girls about marriage and family by showing things that are not related to the realities of life and rarely happen.
7. The misconception that living together is better than marriage is on the rise among teenagers and young singles. As there is no moral or legal commitment in living together relationships, it leads to dire situations. It is a fact that girls suffer more loss and pain in living together relationships.
8. They are inculcated from schools, colleges, social media and other mediums with the influence of various wrong modern ideas which encourage them to give more importance to work and wealth than marriage and family. Embracing right and wrong without thinking critically leads to wrong decisions. Many modern family concepts are not conducive to proper living, have no connection with reality or practical life, and sound immediately correct.
Implications
1. Late marriage reduces the time and chances of falling in love with each other. That interest in youth generally seems to wane with each passing year. It misses out on the good years of a beautiful life.
2. People’s character and habits become more fixed with age and become barriers to mutual compromise. This makes it difficult to adjust living situations as you get older.
3. By each person losing years in this way, meaningful life years are lost to them and to everyone close to them.
4. It is a fact that the chance of getting pregnant decreases with each passing month in girls. This results in having no children or a reduced number of children.
5. The recent increase in the number of infertility clinics in our area and their advertisements mostly suggest that late marriage reduces the chances of pregnancy.
6. Due to the decrease in the number of children or the fertility rate, the growth of Kerala will be stunted, the number of old people will increase and the number of young people will decrease, thereby affecting the economic and social sectors significantly after ten years.
7. If we continue like this, our society may slip into sexual anarchy after fifteen years. And because of the rift in the most important relationships and values in life, human life is likely to become meaningless.
8. We can see that boredom with family life is increasing by focusing on selfishness. In the old days, family relationships were based on mutual cooperation. But now husband and wife are seeing each other more competition and less communication. This causes disunity in many matters and difficulty in taking the right decision in personal and family life.
To survive this situation
1. Campaign to promote marriage and family life.
2. Campaign in schools and colleges.
3. Family health department should take proper initiative to change the fear and misconception of girls about marriage.
4. Spread the messages about the importance of marriage through various media, as in advertising campaigns against drug abuse.
5. To create awareness among children and parents about the importance of marriage.
Because of this fear of marriage, some girls reject marriage, others delay it, and others reject various proposals, wasting a lot of time to confirm a proposal. While others enter into married life with fear of marriage, their life is full of misery because they are unable to embrace marriage properly. Therefore, if each of us does not accept the unpleasant reality of fear of marriage in our society, it is possible that the life of our future generation will be very complicated.
Nithin A.F.
Consultant Psychologist
Mob: 9496341841
Email: nithinaf@gmail.com
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