Human relationships are most important factor that makes life happening on this world. It looks easy to makes life, but in reality, it is more complicated than we think. Life is a tough game. Therefore, we have to be more serious and sincere towards approaching life. Trivial approach towards life makes long term consequences such as meaninglessness, isolation, worthlessness, emptiness etc. in later stages of life. So, relationships are inevitable for fully functioning life of a person. Most of us are unaware about what is a relationship means? How to prioritize our relationship? And how to maintain our relationships. Also, relationship dynamics has been changing over the time. So, it difficult to find a faithful relationship around us.
Relationship is defined as ‘a continuing and often committed association between two or more people, as in a family, friendship, marriage, partnership, or other interpersonal link in which the participants have some degree of influence on each other’s thoughts, feelings and actions’. From this definition, it’s obvious that relationships must be continuous, long term and committed. There are various types of relationships such as friendships, classmates, family, marriage, neighbors, relatives etc. We have to prioritize and prefer relationships over on another for practical, ethical and financial considerations. It should be fixed on continuity, duration and commitment levels.
There are various ways to prioritize our relationships, but most effective and long term benefits contain as listing as follows. First, our spouse; second, our children; third, our parents; fourth, our siblings, then, relatives, neighbors, friends etc. Our role in these relationships are husband/wife, father/mother, son/daughter, brother/sister, relative/neighbor/friend respectively. All these roles have definite duties and responsibilities respectively. Higher roles have higher importance in our preferences, otherwise problems or issues will arise. For example, if we prefer a friend over our spouse, it will subsequently causes to negatively affect commitments to our spouse.
People generally do not like commitments in life. Because, mainly they think that it affects their self interests. Everybody like to have their rights, but no one likes to do their duties and responsibilities. This is because of their lack of vision to the future. Commitment helps a person in the long term. It is unavoidable due to vulnerabilities in our life. At highest level of relationship i.e. relationship between husband and wife must have intimacy, passion and commitment. It’s described in Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love. Husband-wife relationship is the ultimate relationship in the world. Because long term commitment is very effective in this relationship. Therefore, husband’s first priority should be wife and vice versa. Some couples shift first priorities to children after their arrival. It’s not helpful for long term. Because, children come and go after few years. Therefore, treat your husband or wife just above your children. Aspects of intimacy and passion are also need to meet with our spouse, because these are very essential and fundamental to human life. Thus, husband-wife relationship must above all other relationships. Therefore, it can be called as ultimate relationship in this world.
Then, duties and responsibilities to children, parents and siblings respectively must be next priorities in the relationship list. It gives us fulfillment and satisfaction in our life. Rearing of children must be mainly focuses on giving values to them rather than providing all their financial needs. Caring of parents must be mainly focuses on spending time with them and meeting their basic needs. Our relationships with siblings must be mainly focuses on cooperation. All these activities, dealings and interactions make life happen more effectively.
Also, relatives or neighbors or friends makes our community level of functioning. It’s essential for having connected with others. Mostly, commitment level of these relationships are lower. Earlier our community relationship was based on majorly in cooperation and less in competition. But nowadays, majorly in competition and less in cooperation. Earlier, if we have any sudden need of an egg or spices or salt in our home, then we would ask to neighbors for cooking. Also, any urgent need of cash for a short term, it would meet with neighbors. Also, sharing of sweets or fruits with our neighbors was a practice. Now, everything has changed. Smiling at others in our local communities is very minimal. But, they are very interesting to send many emojis to a far away persons in the virtual world. Face-to-face communication with our local community is very essential to have a functioning life. Virtual communication is not effective for human relationships as business relationships. Purpose of virtual communications mainly for meeting business needs and urgent needs of people; not for mainly building relationships. We need real communication, face-to-face communication for real people. Physical activities and interactions help a person to become more confident and courageous. But virtual activities make a person less satisfied and fulfilled. So try to reduce your virtual time and spend more on offline time. It will help you to have a life.
There are certain things that we have to be grounded and be fundamental. Relationship is such one. Main hindrance to have a meaningful relationship is trust deficit. Now, trust in our society is all time low. Trust need to be built by honesty, sincerity and faithfulness in all our interactions, dealings and activities. Building trust is a long term process. People need long term trusted and committed relationships to have functioning life. It can be achieved by prioritizing, and fulfilling duties and responsibilities.
Nithin A.F.
Consultant Psychologist
SUT Hospital, Pattom, Trivandrum.
Mob: 9496341841
Email: nithinaf@gmail.com
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